confession

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I have a confession: I'm judgemental.  I know, "...judge not, lest ye be judged," right? That's why it's a confession; not something I'm proud to know about myself, I just know it. I've fought against being judgemental as long as I can remember. I even judge other people for being judgemental. (Let's add hypocrite to the list...it's easier for me to see my problem in others.) Here's how I tend to judge people; here's how I might judge you: I see your car in the parking lot taking up two spaces, and there are no more spaces. In my mind I begin weaving stories about what a selfish person you must be. OR I see a bumper sticker on the back of your car that expresses some hateful worldview, and I make up a story about how you are hateful. OR I may even see you frowning your way through the grocery store, never making eye contact with anyone and (again) I make up a story about how you are so bitter at the world, and you resist showing love to others. 

Then I see someone I know coming down the aisle and the critical, judging monologue is in my head defeated. My silent judgemental perspective on the world cannot stand up to the real live human beings whom I actually know. My judgemental attitude does not survive the piercing, transformative energy of love that grows in relationships. As long as I don't know someone, I can fall into the temptation of judging (and making up a whole story about that person's life.) When I take the vulnerable risk of relationship, judgement is replaced by something much greater. 

I know this because I've experienced and witnessed that transformation again and again. I'm in the relationship business. My work is about putting people in relationship with one another and with God. The central action (and what informs the life of our community) is the act of Communion. We eat together with God. We become community through a shared meal. That leads to lots of other great things like sharing a cup of coffee and a story; discovering a relationship with God; teaching spiritual practices and why they are difficult; our day school has a lot to do with building relationships between among the children and teachers. 

When we remember the complexity of humans, and risk getting to know one another as fellow human beings, the survivalist instinct to judge thaws and melts away. When we actually meet and discover how God is at work in one another's lives, we can no longer depend on the weak labels we may try to apply to one another. So for now, until we can actually get to know one another, when that judgemental voice comes up in my mind I will try to remember that I shouldn't trust it. I will try to remember that even if you take up two spaces in a crowded parking lot. You are still a human being, and God dwells in your heart. 

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