Are you stuck?

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"In what part of your life are you stuck?" That was a favorite question from my therapist upon his first visit with new patients. I visited him for the first time in my first year of ordained ministry when I was struggling to find inspiration; I felt stuck. A mentor recommended that I learn to take care of my mental and spiritual health, and that led to a whole journey that included my one-on-one time with Dr. James Hollis, a regular a facilitated clergy support group, and participation in retreats; each component helped me get unstuck and I still draw on the wisdom I learned across all parts of my life. 

Regarding his "stuck" question, Dr. Hollis's confided to me, "Not has someone replied, 'what do you mean?'" Instead they quickly got to work unpacking the "stuck" area of life. At most stages in life, as we navigate worldly demands and familial responsibilities we put some part of who we are on hold. Those untended parts of ourselves can leave us feeling stuck, frustrated, even angry. We may have received an internal wound early in life; a parental figure may have caused us to hide some aspect of ourselves for the sake of survival through our early life. As we mature spiritually, it is important to explore those neglected or shadow parts of who we are. Sometimes changes in our lives open up opportunities to reawaken our neglected parts, and sometimes they call us to find expression in anger or discontentedness with life. The Talking Heads Song "Once in a lifetime" speaks to this reality. 

If we do not have the courage to look inward and engage in the soul-work of becoming whom God has created us to become we will often take out our deep, sometimes unconscious frustration on others. Jesus taught in a parable that we should remove the log in our own eye before pointing out the speck in another person's eye. When one ignores that wisdom, only seeing fault in others, one will miss an opportunity for spiritual growth. What one easily sees as a fault in another is usually a clue to some aspect of one's own life that needs work or healing. Unfortunately, when groups of people take out their collective frustration on whole groups of more vulnerable people, we might recognize this concept at work on a more destructive scale. Remember when Jesus defused the vengeful, self-righteous mob trying to stone a woman to death? He patiently invited the sinless person to throw the first stone, and waited.  No one dared to strike the accused once the Christ reminded them to look inward. We don't have to search very long to find people taking out their frustration and anger on others in our world today. We humans will go to great lengths not to deal with our own shadow sides.

Part of my own journey (and I'm still on it, with logs in my eyes and suffering my sins as I go) has been accepting the reality of wounds life has dealt me. Sometimes those healing wounds from my life help  me understand and walk with others as they heal as well.  Christ heals us from his own wounds and empowers us to care for the more vulnerable around us, not to bring even greater suffering upon them! We would all do well to practice the spiritual discipline of self examination rather than looking outward for the source of our discontent and frustration. Feeling stuck is usually a spiritual problem, and the solution is within, where the Holy Spirit is already at work. We can become a blessing to others when we accept and participate in our own healing journey.




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