Praying for St. Stephen's

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My heart is still struggling over the horrific shooting at an elementary school in Uvalde, TX. It is not far from where I live and it is in the diocese my church is a part of...last night I was playing music with close friends, preparing for a show we are playing on June 21 to support one of our parishioners and to bring our community together. It's something I've been trying to do as much as possible since COVID: bring people together. Work on relationships, love our neighbors, reconcile on the personal level. 

Then as we were winding down the rehearsal, I got a text from my wife about a shooting at an Episcopal church potluck supper. The church is outside Birmingham, Alabama. Two parishioners were killed, one is in the hospital as I write. 

Last night and this morning, I looked up St. Stephen's, and was able to read and watch some of the messages from their rector, The Rev. John Burruss, and a message from Presiding Bishop Michael Curry (who visited their church not long ago.) I prayed morning prayer with their church online this morning, and struggled to imagine the heartache they must be feeling: How violated they must feel that their sacred space, a place to experience the love of God in community, has been shot up like a war zone. 

Here are some things that are running through my mind that I am comfortable sharing:

  • Is it even fair or responsible for me to ask people to come to our church where they could be shot, too? 
  • Why is our country self destructing? Why are we killing ourselves? 
  • How much  would it cost to have a police officer guard our church, or otherwise have a security guard on our church campus? 
  • Has Christianity lost the battle in America to the ancient foe who celebrates destruction, violence, weaponry, and undermines love with greed? 
  • How do we who pray, "Thy kingdom come" faithfully follow Jesus' commandment to love one another, his teachings to forgive, his summary of the law to love neighbor and God in the midst of a culture that celebrates hate, ridicule, and demonizing the perceived enemies in order to hold power? 
  • Is my worry, prayer, preaching, teaching, and efforts to love even worth it? Is my and our effort worthwhile when the relatively few people who show up at church and the many who do not have so many louder voices and influences--24 hour news, social media silos, ideological camps that split us to keep our attention? 
I'm hurting. My heart hurts for that church, and I am struggling to understand my calling. 

When I was heading off to seminary, a cynical church-goer said to me, "Why are you even doing this? There probably won't even be a church when you graduate." We were in the midst of tumult. I had to reckon with those fears. I went to seminary, and here I am serving God this church I grew up in. The church is still here, and in spite of my obvious overwhelming feelings, I decided way back then that I would be a priest in whatever church was left, whomever was willing to gather, worship and pray. 

The Devil would seduce us into his rut in the name of self-preservation, defending what ideals we think are right, and taking up the weapons of our enemies to extinguish their uprising. Whenever we choose to fight in that way, we have already moved to the side of the "evil powers that corrupt and destroy the creatures of God."

I will be at church again on Sunday unarmed and vulnerable as I always am. That is my reality. I am and we are vulnerable creatures. I will continue to invite whomever is courageous enough to come and share in the communion of Jesus, who laid down his life for the life of the world. I also understand if there is fear about gathering. Schools, grocery stores, movie theaters, churches...even roadways (where we in Port Aransas witnessed someone die yesterday and saw one of our community members be carried to a hospital)... the world is dangerous. I chose to live and love, striving to follow the way of Jesus, putting my whole trust in his grace and love. 

We will pray for St. Stephen's and their wardens and vestry, and for the people of Uvalde, and we will pray for the hearts of our nation to be healed. I am praying for our divided political leaders to lead from their hearts and for the sake of the people, not for the benefit of their corporate donors. I am also praying for wisdom for myself and other church leaders to give voice to the Gospel in a way that will help Jesus lead us through this valley of the shadow of death. 

Heal us Lord Jesus, send us your Holy Spirit and we will be the force of healing from where we are, loving our unchosen neighbors, whomever God sends to us; help us to reach out to those who are so wounded that they feel they must take up arms to destroy their fellow human beings; show us how to lift one another up not self destruct, for the sake of your love, our Creator. Amen. 

 


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